Today I was thoroughly chastised by a woman who overheard a conversation I was having about abusive relationships where the woman is the aggressor. I did not realize that anyone was around who could hear me talking though I was in a public area where it could have been. But the truth is I just did not realize that it could be so offensive or disturbing. The conversation was sparked by the news that a common acquaintance had recently been dumped by a girl who had repeatedly beaten him (not in the fun way). My response was that abusive women often strike suddenly and unexpectedly and that if the male shows weakness or cowers the abuse accelerates. I continued to explain that I had been in a relationship where the girl was physically aggressive and that my response was to defend myself without striking her but to let her know that if she continued I could be equally violent. This relationship continued until one night after I had fallen asleep the girl jumped on my chest and began to strike me in the head with her fist. Being disoriented my response was to grab her and throw her across the bedroom. After which I packed her belongings and instructed her to vacate ASAP. The point being that a man does not have to accept abuse or become an abuser if they are willing to defend themselves. I am sure that if this relationship had gone further the girl would have eventually incited me to violence, which is why I broke up with her. Is the idea that a woman can be abusive and incite a man to be violent so completely offensive as to be unspeakable?
If a woman or man in a relationship gets abusively violent that should end the relationship. Yes there are some who say that it is no abuse if the woman does it and that is nuts. But many men won't admit to abuse. We have to make it safe for men to bring it up and create ways of helping them get out of a relationship without getting hosed.
Thanks. This thing really bothered me as I am pretty sensitive to abused women. I know that abusive males often play the "she made me do it" card and I have no respect for those (*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)s. But I don't have a whole lot of respect for guys who take it without showing backbone and self respect either. If a bunch of misogynist jump on this thread I have no problem with the mods shutting it down.
Very interesting article about the spiral of violence in relationships: http://www.oregoncounseling.org/Handouts/DomesticViolenceMen.htm Another article that the rate of reported domestic violence is a problem of the definition of "violence", female violence against men being a very serious problem. Two studies are reported in which female vs.male assault rates were higher as male vs. female assault rates in couples and one fraudulent study reporting male violence to be the major problem. http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/VB33R Women's Violence Toward Men.pdf
I have no problems with using physical force (against a woman or anyone) to defend yourself as long as it's within equal force - (ex. if a woman slaps you then a roundhouse kick to the jaw would be out of line obviously), But the idea that a man "can't hit a woman, just because she's a woman" is pretty dumb (ex. if a short 110 lb Asian guy is attacked by a 250 lb steroid-popping lesbian - he isn't allowed to defend himself just because she's a "woman"?) Sadly I've heard stories about guys being pummeled with closed fists by a woman, and refused to defend themselves just because 'they were raised to never hit a woman' or whatnot On a side note, you should have had the psycho woman in your scenario locked up for assault and battery. If they want to 'be equal to a man' they can have the responsibility that comes with it, not a 1 way street. It's not "taboo" - many men just wouldn't ever want to admit (to police or anyone) that they were attacked or beaten by a woman, I can understand why
The subject is not taboo, though it may be kept in the shadows due at least partially to male pride. I was once involved with an aggressive woman, mostly verbally. She made the mistake of trying to physically attack me, and was easily overpowered and detained until she calmed. She was ejected from my life immediately thereafter, and never allowed my company again. Women are just as capable of violence as men, but less likely to cause damage.
Very good articles. My experience was with a girl who had deep psychological issues and it muddies my memory of our relationship with a lot of guilt. In the end I was not enough to help her get past them. Our confrontations were a lot like the first articles description of how violence erupts. But by the end of the relationship my patience was gone and screaming matches were the norm, I could feel myself losing control. I think this experience did change me in some very deep ways and if I had to do it over again I would avoid her completely. The residual anger and guilt is not something I like carrying around. Its a grey world and people like to see issues in black and white. Your response was helpful.
Wish you were there when I got reamed out today. Could have taken some of the heat off me. I honestly don't know what part of what I said ticked her off, I was too stunned to ask. From what she said I have to guess she was angry because someone might hear me? But why that would be so horrible I still don't know.
I've encountered a few women who have become angry if the subject of violence against men by women is brought up in a conversation about domestic violence. Apparently it's totally different and those men either weren't harmed or shouldn't have been such (*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*).
No, of course not. In fact more men should come forward and speak up about their abuse, both physical abuse in relationships and sexual abuse. My cousin was physically abused by his ex-girlfriend all the time. They had a baby together and he left her because he didn't want his son to think that was a normal relationship. Although now she is remarried and has another child, they have split custody of their son so if she's beating on her husband now and he's seeing it there is not much anyone can do unless her husband comes forward about the abuse. It is difficult for men to speak up about their abuse because our society expects them to be the stronger, more powerful sex. If they tell people they are getting abused by a woman they are seen as weak. These stereotypes need to stop so that more men won't feel afraid to come forward and talk about the abuse.
It is a truly scary place to be. Something similar occurred between my ex wife and I - she laid into me with closed fists. There was a part of me trying to control her, and this dark piece of me that just wanted to hit her into next week. In the end I shoved her with such force it hurt her, which got her focused away from hitting me. But I was so down on myself for a long time after that, even she realized I had crossed a line I vowed I never would. It is easy to say - Oh well she deserved it, and I was only defending myself, but it still released a part of me that to this day had been kept in the dark. The good news we never went to that place again, and it was not the reason for our eventual breakup
Feminist women don't just believe that men and women should have equal rights. They are prejudiced against men, and they have this idea that women are somehow superior to men.
Domestic violence is a serious problem for both sexes. And I do believe a man has the right to use the necessary force required to defend himself. I would think in the majority of cases a man can accomplish that through restraint rather than striking. But not all couple have the same strength disparity. And nobody should stay in a relationship with an abusive partner. I realize that is sometimes easier said than done.
Radical feminists are certainly like that. I generalize feminists because of what some feminists say. Don't you agree with me that certain feminists are just way too extreme with their beliefs?
wtf, why would you do that? Of course some that I have seen online are, but certainly not the vast majority of them. Some =/= All.
And some men just cant stop themselves from doing negative stereotypes. Fortunately, not all are like that.
You went from all (implied) to some, and now to "certain". Might have been better to express youself clearly in the first place and not appear to be the stereotyping bigot that you first presented to be.
Okay. But don't you agree with me that some feminists (such as Anita Sarkeesian), are just way too politically correct?
You're just making general statements without any proof to back it up. So no, I do not agree with you.
Most men are afraid of being charged with assault even if they are defending themselves from a female assaulting them because the legal system is biased toward females for the simple reason men are generally physically stronger than women. A man with a black eye is assumed to have gotten it in a bar fight or something. A woman with a black eye is assumed to have gotten it from a big-bad man.
