Knocking sense into friends

I am by no means perfect, and make claims to such. I will gladly own up to my mistakes, my dickishness (if its not necessary), and I am well aware of my own issues and faults.

But sometimes I am in just awe of what friends or acquaintances do, and those actions serve as a sign post that reads "do not go this way". The optimist what shot in the backyard quite some time ago, and the pessimist is checked by the realist. Barely.

I have a friend who presumably met a woman online. Who is in Nigeria. He sends her quite a bit of money on a regular basis to "help her out" even though she supposedly has a huge multimillion dollar trust fund but doesn't have access to it. Typical Nigerian scam. I tired talking to him about it, but he is convinced she is coming on this date, things don't work out in Nigeria, so then the date is pushed forward... more time... more money.... Told him there's a (*)(*)(*)(*) ton of red flags... being offered a $10,000 money order was red flag #46.

Meh. Is there a way of handling this, helping him out, or just let him make his mistakes? I don't want to see him, hurt, heart broken or suicidal or anything of that sort when this doesn't work out. He is a great guy.

What is obvious should be obvious. :-l

 

Wow, I didn't think people really believed in any email from Nigeria anymore....

 

RIGHT?!?!?!?

I am thinking Match.com or something along those lines.

 

Not sure what you can do in a situation like that. If you know his family, maybe reach out to them. If he is religious, reach out to his minister.

Heck- these folks pray on the elderly a lot- call your local police and see if they have anyone working on these types of scams- and if there is an officer who works these scams with the elderly victims, maybe he or she would be willing to talk to your friend?

Sad, but he will probably not learn until he is cleaned out.

 

My old supervisor did the exact same thing. Met some guy on Match.com, and sent him money, purchased a plane ticket, and even cashed a money order and sent him the change...

Despite asking me what I, and a office aid thought, and both of us being honest. :-l

 

I know his family knows of this supposed woman, however I do not think they know the entire story or understand the premise of the Nigerian scam.

I would be reluctant to bring it up to them because he does not tell them everything, and I have had my ass chewed for talking to them about other things (that I thought were benign, but were not).

 

Oh my god that is horrible!!! Seriously Wolverine, I don't even know what to say. I thought nobody actually fell for that anymore.

Maybe he's deluding himself on purpose because he is lonely and depressed? Usually there is something else underlying when people willingly fall for such an obvious scam.

 

While I understand that everyone is lonely to some degree for different reasons, I know I am occasionally.

However, when it comes to women, I believe he would be more desirable than me. He is out going, accepting, and a pleasure to be around. I consider him a close friend, one of maybe three. I also don't have a problem admitting that he is probably more desirable on the part of women than I would be (he has a different mindset). He wants to meet someone and start a family, something that I believe that many women want as well. Or at least his type.

He could have very easily had a few phone numbers over the weekend in our concert/bar hoping. But didn't pounce because he has a "girlfriend". Tried to explain a "girlfriend" on the other side of the planet doesn't really count and asking for a phone number isn't bad.... which I guess someone on the other side of the planet could count... if you knew them... if you were together at some point... but I would assume these situations could be condensed to black or white, is or isn't, 1 or 0, yes or no.

Something I have wondered is if having a far flung "girlfriend" is more comfortable than interacting and being judged by a woman in person.

 

I would with his cousin... I think we are going to sit him down and talk to him in the near future.

 

Sometimes the only thing you can do is shoot them in the kneecaps.

Sometimes only then will they get the message.

Be forewarned though, when he finally figures it out, he'll whine and say things like "why didn't you tell me" and all that good junk.

Ah well.

Say la vee.

 

I will admit I had a huge crush on a guy I met on the net a while back. I was pretty lonely and depressed at the time and met this guy who lived in Canada in an online game I played. I got really clingy to this guy and almost became obsessed. Needless to say he did not feel the same way about me.

Then I met another guy local here online who basically swept me off my feet and it was so easy to get over that other person who was so far away and had no interest in me. Now I have been with this man for nearly four years and we're engaged (just saving money for a wedding).

So I can understand how he might feel. It's easy to idealize and turn this person so far away into the perfect partner, easy to imagine a perfect future and life with them, especially if you were in a bad relationship before or had a bad breakup. That could be how he sees it, but then again I don't know his full dating history either or his experiences with women.

It really could be that he sees it as easier to idealize this perfect relationship and 'love' with someone he has never met than to make an effort with a real person who is right here with you especially if there is some fear of relationships due to bad ones in the past.

 

Yeah, that sounds like a scam for sure! Seems to me you did what a good friend would do when you warned him of the possibility of foul play. I'm not sure what else you can do without harming the friendship. I know one case where a S. American girl hooked up with a gentleman 40 years her senior and got pregnant. He married her, brought her to the States and then she left him with their child so she could make $$$ turning tricks. He got a divorce and custody and at 60 years old is now a single father raising a 5 year old.

 

There will always be a long line of willing suckers for any "get rich quick" fraud. The GOP is counting on that.

 

Oh give it a rest already. Have you no shame?

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Wolverine: Don't know if it will help, but you could have him search "love scam victims" on YouTube.

I found several that I remember airing not too long ago.

Misery loves company.

.

 

Fwiw it's the FBI that police the internet in case you need to go that route.

 

Some real nice casual chat style there. Must be the life of the party. We tend to shut off the partisan crap when attempting to help board members but thanks for participating.

 

Wow, that is a very blatant scam. Your predicament is tough; sometimes, being brutally honest can help. Let me give you an example - maybe this will act as a guide, although it's not exactly the same situation.

I'm young, only in high school, and I take AP classes. Last year, one of my good friends informed me that he wanted to take some upper-level classes, as well. However, his guidance counselor was not really hooked on the idea; his grades weren't really up there. He kept pushing the idea, though, and soon became overcome by it. His grades in his actual classes started to drop significantly. His performance in certain sporting events did, as well. I tried to convince him to focus for now and work hard; possibly, if his grades were good enough, he could shoot for it senior year. I also told him that he would not be prepared for the workload, coming from personal experience. He refused to listen to me. He practically shunned me, and others, for over a month until the school year ended. Over the summer, something must have happened, and he got back to me. He had communicated with his guidance counselor, and it hit him. We were trying to help him and push him to do his best at his own level. This honesty may have caused him to be upset with us for a short amount of time, but it helped him realize the truth.

Your friend does not seem to be open to criticism though, as your previous posts indicate. I would continue to bring up the subject whenever you can; maybe, he'll vent to you about his loneliness or struggles, of which you may not have been aware.

In any case, I wish you the best of luck.

 

The first step is admitting that you have a problem.

While you may have a soft place in your heart (or head) for those who advocate physical violence as a "learning tool", I do not.

 

Ahhh your poor friend is vulnerable. Lots of information about Nigeria scams on the web. Make him read it and then tell him he's stupid for falling into a trap. He needs an "attitude shake up". Good luck.

 

Kinda funny, I was just talking about the consequences of believing in something you cannot verify in another thread.

I've actually known as person like this and, believe me, they are going to be blind to most of the arguments that you present- whether sensible or not.

The things you can do is ask your friend to ask for verification of this woman.

or

Tell your friend to explain to you what you know about the woman and talk about it with him. Don't be obnoxious and have a paper and clipboard out or he's probably going to kick you.

Also, you can ask the person why would a person who has millions of dollars tucked away need to reach out to a total stranger for money? Wouldn't they be able to convince someone closer? Tell them what kind of lifestyle would such a person be living. If it was in a trustfund, someone gave it to her. If it was her parents, there's no way she is going to be hiking it along in the rough. To many people would know of her who live and upper-class lifestyle and even if they didn't like her, they would be aware of her trust fund. While it's not uncommon for rich people to date common people, you should point out the story seems fishy.

But...the best thing to do...in my opinion...is to take him out with some friends (girls). He might be closeted and in need of company or attention and willing to entertain this story, but if he can have fun at home, he'll begin to see the sense of it when not so dependent.

Also, ask for details about where the money came from. How did she get it? What did the people who gave it to her do? Look it up on the internet? People who are forced to give too many details will end up talking themselves into a corner.

 

Sad thing is, it is easy to idiolize any one when you yourself do not have a somebody in that particular frame. Or you do get with that someone, and they do not see the things the way you do. I find it better to take a step back and look at the situation critically. Sure, it sucks, maybe that special someone is not so special, not so attractive, not so appealing, etc. But taking the blinders off saves heartache, wasted time, wasted money, in the future, for both you and the other person.

Cynical pessimism is better than blind niav optimism. They should be more deal breakers than deal makers. Maybe people would be smarter about relationships that way.

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I told him, a relative of his did the same thing.

Its just :-l

 

He has vented such things, we talk about women quite a bit. He wants a wife and kids, I don't yet (I am enjoying the freedom of waking up in the morning and saying "I am going to purchase a LVIII plate", and no one is there to tell me I have more important expenses to make). He is determined to find someone in the near future so he does not "start a family" "too late" (we are both mid-20's), I really couldn't give a (*)(*)(*)(*) less. We talk about the subject, but we have different outlooks. It seems he (and well, lots of people, just by varying degrees) is putting self worth on whether or not he has a special someone, I am quite the opposite. lol

He is, in my opinion, quite a bit more desirable than I to women, and shouldn't have any problem finding a decent woman. I would assume that anyway... and not by physical attraction, but by attitude. He could have had a few numbers over the weekend but is determined to stay loyal to someone on the other side of the planet. A vicarious sort of relationship.

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Her parents gave her the trust and they died in some terrible accident or something.... again... text book Nigerian scam.

 

You want the answer? You really want an easy answer?

Just let him look at the nigerian scams and the people who scam the scammers. Get him to stop being a (*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*) and start reading.

 

Holy (*)(*)(*)(*). Ten minutes on Google and I found his "girlfriend":

I find this on Google:
http://www.romancescam.com/
Follow to "Photos used by scammers":
http://www.scamdigger.com/gallery/
Photos used by female scammers:
http://www.scamdigger.com/gallery/index.php/pictures-used-by-female-scammers
She is #6, a web cam model:
http://www.scamdigger.com/gallery/index.php/pictures-used-by-female-scammers/FloraBenson
Google Image Search for josiemodel (these are search results for a web cam model, I don't see any racy pictures... but use common sense):
https://www.google.com/search?q=jos...WjyATv-oLYDA&ved=0CAkQ_AUoAg&biw=1440&bih=743

He showed me at least three pictures that I recognize from the Google Image Search.

Hooolllyyyyyyy (*)(*)(*)(*). It is confirmed. I may have a mutual friend spearhead the "intervention", he is a little bit softer than me. lol

 

I tired looking for the man that my old supervisor fell for (Match.com, the same thing, sending him money, buying plane tickets, etc), they didn't have his picture listed.