Man describes being run over in the court system, made homeless by child support payments

Summary: A man got completely run over in the court system. Due to a manipulative ex-wife and the injustice that was handed down in the courts, he was ordered to have to make financially crippling child support payments to his ex-wife that resulted in him becoming homeless.

A man made this post on Reddit:

State of California made me homeless and a slave for the rest of my life.

After separation, I go away with all of the debt from the marriage (Mortgage, second Mortgage, all the credit card debt). After being negative cash flow for a year after separation. The court takes 60% of my net wages, without any notification (I got a call from my employer). Shortly after I become homeless, and cannot afford to maintain the computer equipment I need to do my job. Shortly after that I lose my job (The company shut down).

By the time I make it to trial, I am financially destitute, cannot even obtain unemployment (because of work done out of state). I can't afford an attorney and have to stand tall, "In Pro Per". Just before the trial my ex took a vacation to the Bahamas. I had to get a ride from a friend to make it to the trial (had to sell my car to pay attorney fees). I cited the case of Alan S. at the beginning of the trial and asked for a continuance until I could get a job and get an attorney and was told by the Judge "That ship has sailed". The judgement overlook several laws I cited regarding equal representation.

To top it off, the Judge and opposing council took a recess during the trial so that they could meet (without telling me). The Judge interviewed opposing council for a Job on the bench, and shortly after the trial I got a letter saying they had made my ex's attorney a court commissioner. They award my ex, over $1000 a month in Spousal support, for the rest of her life, when she has a $60,000 a year job and I am homeless and unemployed. Because I was without attorney, I was run over roughshod by the court, my evidence ignored, multiple laws ignored.

I was forced to go to court without an attorney against my will, when my ex had the best attorney in town, who was apparently in the Bro-Bra of the local court. Currently I am appealing the trial based on the meeting of the Judge and Opposing council during the trial. So far I've lost in the neighborhood of $250,000 in money stolen from community funds by my ex, lost income and attorney's fees, not to mention the fact that my previously good credit has been completely destroyed.

All I can afford at this point is a second rate attorney and I'm not sure where to turn, or what to do. This has been doing on for 5 years. If anyone cares to have a look at the case (I'm still trying to get complete copies of all the court documents in the case), It's in Truckee, California Superior Court, case [ T09/3354FL ]. All the evidence, statements, cited laws, etc. are filed with the court.

At the end of the day, I just want my ex to go away. I'm trying to help my two children (now adults) get through college. My ex has become estranged from both of the children.

She stuck my son with a $10,000 student loan and kept the money. She also lied to my daughter and told her she was required by state law to attend high school full time, after she turned 18, so that my ex could continue to collect child support for another year. As soon as child support ended, my ex rented out my daughters room and kicked her out.

Me and my children have been exploited by this monster who abused the entire family for years, lied to me, lied to the children and lied to the courts.

I would be interested in any advice, support, well wishes, or anything else of assistance that can be sent my way. I knew the courts were bad, but I had no idea.

Yes she is the biological mother and she took the money from community accounts, in small amounts over time and put the money into accounts in her name alone that she kept hidden. She also used hidden credit cards to move money around. To answer your last question. I do contract work so I have fluctuating income, on average I make the same amount. At the end of the marriage I had a 6 month contract that was extended 3 times. The year before that I made about 20k on smaller projects. The court imputed my income from my last contract as if were my regular salary.

Locking the bank accounts is a good call. My ex was sneaky. She had credit cards she had kept hidden from me, and just before we separated she took $10k she had hanging around in other accounts, and 30k in cash advances on 5 or so hidden credit cards, then created two CD's for $20k each and put her name and the kids name on them. She then kept them both, and liquidated them after separation to pay for attorneys fees. She came to court and showed some receipts of college expenses she paid and claimed it was all "for the kids", when in fact what happened was she used some of it for expenses for the kids and kept the rest for herself. For example, she took the one for my son liquidated it, but instead of taking the $20k and paying for my Son's $20k tuition, she paid $10k of his tuition, signed him up for a student load for the other $10k and kept the other $10k for herself.

Part of my major dismay is that the law is on my side. By keeping secret bank accounts and pillaging community funds, she breached her spousal fiduciary duty and is entitled to no child support. Problem was, because of my lack of ability to retain a good lawyer, due to the 60% attachment of my net wages, I was not able to present evidence and testimony that would have proven my case.

I think you are correct in asking if I am "painting myself" in a different light than what actually happened. It's actually the strategy my ex used against me. She painted herself as the "abandoned wife". She told the court my son and daughter were living with her and I wasn't paying child support, when my son was actually living with me and I had paid all my agreed to voluntary child support. Once I get my complete file from the court and get it digitized I'll post it. It's all public record, then people can look at the evidence and decide for themselves.

We went to mediation and drew up a separation agreement. We figured out what child support I should pay and due to the mortgage and second mortgage that I was assuming and credit card debt, I wouldn't be able to afford the child support. She recommended a consolidation loan to consolidate the second mortgage and credit cards into a single lower payment, then I could afford child support. I agreed to this and a few days later we met at the mediators office. The consolidation loan that she presented to me included $30,000 in debt she had on credit cards she had kept hidden from me. I said I would not sign the loan. She said she was waiving her right so spousal support, so I should sign it and I did. At that point, when we got to signing the separation agreement where we waived spousal support, she took the signed consolidation loan, but did not sign the separation agreement saying that she needed to have it reviewed by her lawyer. She never signed it, obviously.

EDIT: I filed for the Appeal for a new trial, and got a Settlement offer from My Ex's attorney. Everything gets zeroed, I give her $5k and she goes away with no spousal support, nada, anything I owe, zeroed, and vice versa. Talking with my attorney about it now. Will update this post as thing develop.

As a last note, I have been working now for some time and I am no longer homeless (thanks to working).

State of California made me homeless and a slave for the rest of my life. : MensRights (reddit.com)

Unfortunately, these type of stories are not unique. Things like this have happened to many men.

The wife, it looks like, funneled money away into accounts she alone controlled, before the separation, so she would have money to hire a lawyer, while her husband would be left with nothing and deep debt. She even tricked him into signing his name to officially assume liability for that debt, so even if there was any question about him on the hook for half of it (usually a person is responsible for any debt their spouse takes on) that was then rendered a moot point.

Someone else then responded with this post:

The courts are truly terrible. Several years ago I volunteered at my local homeless shelter and met several guys that were homeless strictly because of out of control alimony/child support payments. What was sickening was the majority of the divorces were initiated by the woman because they found a new boyfriend. These boyfriends live in the ex-husbands house and he has to pay to support the new couple. As long as they don't get married the alimony won't stop. In the 3 years I worked there we had 2 guys commit suicide because they didn't want to go to jail for not paying court ordered support. They were ordered to pay MORE then they made each month.

 

This is why you don't get married and this is why you don't have kids.

If you have to have kids find a surrogate. Someone you pay to go away.

 

Any man that gets married needs his head examined, unless he snares a rich widow or heiress.

 

These are some more stories:

Child support is going to leave me bankrupt and homeless, and I'm not a deadbeat

Apologies off the bat for the long post... needs to come out, and hopeful for insight from someone having better luck. At one point, I had my life planned out perfectly... I got married, bought a car, bought a house and had a daughter with the girl of my dreams. Fast forward 2.5 years, and she decides while attending college for the 3rd time, that she isnt satisfied being a mother and wife. She files for divorce under the premise of "mental abuse" and is granted basically a clean break from everything that had to do with me, with the exception of our daughter. I was left with the house and car payment, while she walked away with 30ish% of the household income. I was able to sell the house, but after the money I had put into it, I ended up taking an $8,000 loss which I'm slowly paying off. Due to a lazy judge and an outdated and sexist minimum percentage state law, she was given primary custodial rights to my daughter which gave her 20% of my paycheck while only getting physical custody of my daughter for 57% of the time. Fast forward again another 2 years. I started dating someone who moved in, had a job and helped with the care of my daughter. I was barely getting by, but was surviving nonetheless. I filed for modification of custody and child support, on the grounds of neglect. (My daughter was spending the majority of the time she was supposed to be under the care of her mother with her grandmother instead) which we have proof of. My ex wife has managed to push the hearings back for over a year now, and my girlfriend left me and moved out due to stress caused by my ex wife both mentally and financially. I now have a house that I am under lease at, which is very cheap for the area, bills to pay as always, the girlfriend took the vehicle that got decent gas mileage, and her half of the income into the house. I have sold off pretty much everything that I can sell to make ends meet, but after everything I do not make enough money to survive. I am getting into a deeper hole every day, just trying to survive. If I wasn't paying child support, I could catch up, and actually live a fairly happy life. My ex wife has been making almost minimum wage for the last 3 years, and has done nothing to improve her financial situation, as she qualifies for all government assistance and is getting a decent sum of money every week from me. I can't help but think, that i did everything the right way in my life, and should be happy now, but because a woman can decide to just walk away, I have to struggle to survive with no relief in sight. If anyone has found a loophole, or just a way to deal with this, please let me know. I shouldn't be punished for wanting to be a good father just because im a man.

I tried to do everything right, but child support laws mixed with a vindictive ex wife is ruining my life.​

posted by booda_33 , around 2014
Child support is going to leave me bankrupt and homeless, and im not a deadbeat : r/MensRights (reddit.com)

I was working as a computer engineer earning nearly 6 figures. It wasn't even an option for me not to pay child-support as it was all just scooped out of my paycheck before I even got my fingers on it. My ex filed a modification and due to legal malpractice, our insane courts, and other circumstances, I ended up - overnight - nearly $20K in CS arrears. The "collections" on this "arrears" left me with just a few hundred dollars in take-home pay. I was forced to quit my job because I could not even afford to pay rent to live near where I worked. I am in my 30s and I have been forced to move back home with my parents. I have yet to find any relief. ​

posted by zazindicoot

I pay child support and I'm homeless

I am a father of 4 two of which are grown. I pay anywhere from 300-500 every two weeks depending on how much I make. They take 50-65% of my check. I tried the motel thing but that's 400+ for a week if I do that I can't eat . So I have to make sacrifices eat or sleep and shower if choose to eat then I sleep on the street or at the homeless shelter where I risk lice and bed bugs. I'm not complaining about paying child support it's for my kids. I'm just frustrated that the courts have no compassion for fathers who pay child support. I've went to DHS for assistance but they tell me I make too much money which probably would be right if child support didn't take so much . I can't even afford to rent a room. I'm falling into a depression I can't find help anywhere. I'm on the verge of losing my job because I'm homeless. Any advice homeless in Colorado springs.​

posted by Shayevioredward, October 2022
I pay child support and I'm homeless : r/homeless (reddit.com)

 

And none of that would occur if they got a lawyer. My divorce decree said that if my ex even cohabitated with someone else her alimony would go away, kids were already adults. With child support any income the boyfriend/husband/girlfriend would bring into the household would be factored in and child support adjusted accordingly. Lose you job and you can get a temporary stay. If she hid money or lied or whatever sue the hell out of her. Get custody of the kids.

Yea I know there are horror stories out there, and I have suspicions about the extent of this one, but then there are LOTS More horror stories about deadbeat dads. When I married I became a stepdad to a 3 year old and an 8 year old. Their sperm donor didn't pay a dime in child support after the day we announced and in fact sued us to force a sale on the house, had he simply called we would have told him we were looking for a lot to build on, so he could sail out of the country. My step kids eventually adopted me.

The entire system needs to be made more enforceable while yes the absent spouse able to have the payments adjusted quickly and fairly when drastic life changes happen. But one purpose is to ensure the absent parents works AS HARD as the custodial parent to provide. The children come first stop your bitchin about how hard it is.

 

Then any children created don't deserve you nor you them.

 

Lawyers cost a lot of money, especially if you are trying to make sure you get a good one.

If he had hired a lawyer in this situation, I'm thinking the lawyer might have demanded $11,000 up front, and then it could have ended up costing another $30,000 to $60,000, depending on how long the spouse dragged it out.

 

this is why many young men are getting fixed, and not getting married, not worth the risk