Why is an 18 year old not treated as a responsible adult?

Why should an 18 year old not be given all the freedoms, rights, and respect of any other legal and responsible adult?

For example, if an 18 year old stays out too late and has a tiny bit too much to drink, should he get an earefull, when other, slightly older, adults do the same thing with impunity? Should this double standard be allowed to exist?

 

They generally are (at least in the UK or Australia locale you're apparently in).

I can't help suspecting that you're 18, living with your parents, went out for a night on the town and got told off when you got home later than agreed and drunk.

I'm afraid that has nothing to do with rights and everything to do with (usually) mothers. You have every legal right to move out and find your own home where you can come in as late and as drunk as you want. Of course, that right (like all others) brings with it a whole load of responsibilities too. It's a package deal I'm afraid.

 

While you live in your parents house, you live by their rules. Don't like it move out and support yourself.

In my family you're a child for as long as you cost your dad money.

 

Let's see, in most states in the U.S. you cannot drink at age 18 and you can't run for President of the U.S. and other elected positions. That's all I can think of.

As for the other, when you turn 18, get a job and support yourself, get your own apartment, decide that if you get arrested you won't call mommy or daddy to come rescue you, and you can have what you want.

Now, if you want someone else to take care of you, just like you're a helpless child, and live off your parents or the taxpayers then you have to suffer some control. You've already established that you're not a responsible adult.

 

LOL, sprung! OK, I turned 18 a couple of weeks ago, but I am in fact living at a boarding school. I spend weekends with my aunt who lives not too far away, and yes, I got back a bit later than expected, and yes, I had a few drinks (which is quite legal at my age, and I wasn't driving).

My aunt, who is not even my guardian any more, got out of her tree in a big way, and carried on as though I were her son, and 8 years old instead of 18. She rang my mum in the UK the next day, and I got another ear bashing.

Do you think that was fair? Like I'm an adult now, and nobody is responsible for my safety, and it's not like I did anything immoral or illegal, is it?

 

Because observation of 18 yr olds (as well as most older people's memories of being 1 show that 18 yr olds, for the most part are not responsible adults.

Whining because somebody razzed you about being hungover?

Of course. It is part of the learning process, and the great majority of 18 yr olds need to learn a lot.

That said, I razz my fellow middle-aged friends if they are hungover and tired after a party. Hungover people are targets for ridicule.

 

You are under her roof, she's allowed to give you grief for drinking, etc. If you don't like it, stay someplace else.

 

Its simple.. She loves you and worries about you.... so if you are going to stay out late drinking, don't go to your aunt's home.. Since you consider yourself an adult get an off campus apartment.

 

Just because you're 18 (or 28 or 94) doesn't mean people can't give you an earful when they think that you're doing something wrong. Get used to it. You're legally an adult now which just means that you don't have to listen to it or take any criticism. You can yell right back. That being said, you should be prepared to live with the consequences of not doing as asked like getting kicked out of your aunt's house, having your parents stop paying for school (and everything else), and maybe getting kicked out of school.

 

She might not be your legal guardian but that doesn't change anything in her mind. I suspect she was worried about you when you were late and fear easily turns in to anger in such situations.

Be thankful you've got people who care for your wellbeing. If you're lucky, you'll find that special person to spend the rest of your life with and they'll take over the ear-bashing when you get home late and drunk (you'll even miss it when it's not there).

Quite frankly, if you whine and moan like a child, you'll continue to be treated like a child. Adulthood isn't a number, it's an attitude. Step one is the polite apology to your Aunt.

 

If the 18 year old is willing to live with his/her choices and take care of his/her own responsiblities, than he/she can do what he/she wants......but as long as they expect their parents to help them out whenever they run into trouble, they are still a child.

 

You are 18, a legal adult, and you don't have to listen to what your mother tells you anymore - and that is the best thing!!

 

That's true. And, of course, he's eighteen and Mommy doesn't have to support him any longer--and that's the best thing. I hope he has fun being a responsible adult.

 

I believe someone has to be 21 to legally drink in the majority of states, but they may join the military at 18 in all 50 states. Federal law even requires high schools to provide private information of their students to recruiters.

This does seem like something of a double standard. At 18 years of age you are old enough to decide for yoursel to engage in an activity that by definition requires you to be willing to not only risk your own life, but potentially be mature enough to make the conscious decision to take anothers - yet you are not trusted to have an alcoholic beverage.

 

Too many kids nowadays think they can stay at home, do what they like and pay nothing towards their upkeep. Some even think they can bring their girl/boy friends home, and stay whilst paying nothing towards their upkeep!

I had a very simple rule for my adult children:

Whilst you live at home as an adult, and you are capable of earning an income ,you abide by our rules and you make some contribution towards your upkeep. How else will they ever financial responsibilty? Home is not a one way charity.

 

Don't think for one minute that this happened because you are 18. It has been quite a while since I have seen 18, but if I was to come home late and drunk, I would not only get an earful, but I would be sleeping on the couch with Miss Palm and her 5 sisters as my only companions.

 

Because, by and large, 18-year olds are not responsible adults. There are a few exceptions but generally they're large, healthy children. Last week, thousands of your "adults" converged on an apartment complax that caters to college students. They got extremely drunk, a steady stream of ambulances were hauling people to the hospitals, brawls and fights were everywhere, furniture was smashed and thrown in the swimming pools, and eventually the police were called to try and control these irresponsible adults.

That's the real world. I would also be willing to bet that virtually all of these "responsible adults" are still living off Mommy and Daddy or someone in the family. The university students who pay their own way are too responsible and busy to engage in nonsense like this.

I was a police officer for thirty years. On occasion, I had to go and knock on a door and tell a couple that their child was dead. Car accidents, fights, alcohol overdoes, other drug overdose all take a toll. I hated having to tell parents their eighteen-year old would never be nineteen. And you wonder why they care if you're out drinking and late getting home. When you grow up and become a responsible adult, you'll know why.

 

Sounds more like a family issue, than civil rights issue.
As a parent I can say that your parents (and their siblings) probably do see you more as 8 years old and wet behind the ears rather than 18 and on your way to making your own mark in the world.

I also think their might be some insecurities of their own going on about growing older as they see you growing up and becoming an adult (children becoming adults make us fogies a bit defensive and cranky ).

I tell you what, smile indulgently, nod your head in the right places and assure them that you will be careful and that you love them as this may be what they really need. As you pointed out, you are an adult and sometimes being the adult is less about age or what is fair and more about maturity - it sometimes means putting others first even when they may not be acting completely appropriate and reassuring their insecurities. Sometimes we have to accept people (especially family) for what they are rather than what we would have them be.

You sound like a pretty smart guy and I'm sure have this under control.

One more thing, no matter how old you get they will still worry about you and treat you at time like you are 8 years old. This gets easier to put up with when you are 40 something rather than 20 something. The sooner you gain the confidence of knowing who and what you are about, the less the opinions of others will bother you (even when they are voiced loudly!).

 

Your just jealous because he has about 10 years between Mom & Dad telling him what to do and future wife telling him what to do!

Enjoy those Years!!!!!

 

LOL, thanks - it was all a storm in a teacup, and I was reacting somewhat immaturely to being told off. But thanks especially for a well thought out and informative response (in contrast to the "Hiss! Boo! You bad boy!" kind of posts,) especially the bit about other people's insecurities.

My aunt is a bit of a drama queen at the best of times (remind me to tell you of her reaction to my putting the toaster in the dishwasher one day, ) and she has a son a couple of years older than me, so she still thinks of me as a kid, and feels responsible for my well being. And I take your point about family - my mum being a bit of a control freak also. Neither seem to realise that I am really quite tough and capable of looking after myself - but them's the breaks.

 

You are considered immature at 18, because modern parents with all their stupidity want to have their children for longer and wouldn't object to the concept of a spoiled confused youth. The term emerged to serve consumer culture after WW2.

See, companies need to sell their films, shoes, ipods, (*)(*)(*)(*)ty food, tv shows, tickets, songs and many, many, MAAANY more. They target an audience which is easy to impress and manipulate. Parents spend more money on children, but get to keep them for longer. (Note: in today's world one could get stigmatised if they insist their child grows up on time. They are considered old fashioned).

However, by defining a whole age group and giving it its own 'special, magical' consumer world would make people want to stay like this for longer. That's why you see 30 year old people dressed like rappers.

It makes people go somewhere in a fictional place, stay there for long, part with their money and never question what is happening in the world. Capitalism is a lovely system that sustains itself perfectly. Oh well, except for that economy thing xD...


Wait, so this forum censors profanity with boobies. Sweet.

 

LOL ... you have a point about the old guys dressed like 15 year old wannabe-rappers. Why do so many people want to stay young? Beats me - I have spent 18 years being 'young' (in the eyes of others) and now its time to be something else.

And like if you look at the practicalities - being 'young' means going to school; doing homework; being bossed around by everyone a few years older than you, as well as all the teachers and prefects; going to bed when you are told to; coming home when you are told to; not having your own wheels; and - LOL - having to listen to people tell you how hard things were when they were young, and how easy you have it (you ungrateful brat). Like who wants that for the rest of their life?

 

Well, believe it or not, it's among the best times of your life. You will miss it when you have a mortgage to pay, and a job that requires you to be there every day.

 

Ummm ... yes, people say that all the time, but like what's the difference between a school that requires you to be there every day, and a job that requires the same thing? At least with a job you get a big pay cheque (or loads of cash from your clients) every month, and people don't tell you what to do, and when to do it, all the time.

 

Nine times out of ten pretty much all of that cash is already spoken for. You're only the middle man that passes the money from your employer to the mortgage company, the electric company, the gas company, the bank that gave you a loan for your car, the grocery store, the insurance company, the gas station, and the government ... don't forget to give your federal, state, and local governments their share.

If you think that there aren't a million rules that adults have to follow and people telling them what to do every day then you're sadly mistaken.

Sure, there's a certain amount of added freedom that comes with adulthood, but with that freedom comes a ton more responsibility. I don't think that it's an even trade.