A question to all the parents out there; how did, or how do you respond to your fussy baby when they're otherwise okay? If they've been fed, diaper changed, etc, do you pick them up every time they start crying, or do you let them 'cry it out'? I'm sort of middle of the road here. I like to see if he'll simmer down a bit after awhile, but my fiancee thinks our baby should be attended to (held) anytime he cries. What approach have you taken? What do you think are the pros and cons of either approach?
I'm not a parent, but I grew up in a big family. I have two brothers, two half sisters, a half brother, three step sisters, a step brother, and two former step brothers and step sisters, and I have a niece, and two nieces on the way. So, again, I'm not a parent, but I still think I've got something of value to say on this, and that I'm not just speaking about things I don't know. If your child is in fact a baby, and not a toddler, I'd say that your husband is absolutely right. I can't tell you how many times a baby has cried and then I do something to try to calm him/her down, and it works. That being the case, it'd seem that the baby wants attention, wouldn't it? And I'd say that babies should be indulged in this. This is, from what I've read and heard, the best time to form a bond with children. When he's a young toddler, I'd say that your husband is still right, but not 'absolutely right.' Over time, you've got to ween them off - you can't just go cold-turkey on that kind of thing with a child. And I'd also add that giving children the kind of personal attention and nourishment (here I'm not talking about nutritional nourishment) is by far the most important in the first seven years. I've been able to see that firsthand. The family I grew up in since I was seven was my mother and step-father's household, with her three boys (myself and my two blood brothers there) and his three girls and boy. They were awesome parents: they treated the kids fairly and didn't give preference, but here's the caveat - my younger (blood) brother was younger than the rest by a few years. The other six of us were roughly 1 yr apart from one another, kind of strange the way it worked like that. We had one graduated from high school six years in a row. But there was still a noticeable difference between my mother's children and my step-father's children. The only real difference in how we were raised was in the formative years - about our first 5-8 years. Their mother wasn't a very good mother, even they'll say that, and when you look at the seven of us now there's a marked difference. My blood brothers and I are all doing fairly well - my younger brother is at one of the top business schools in the country, I'm pre-law at a good school and a combat vet, my older brother is a combat vet and is a surgical assistant, and his wife is a dental assistant. For the other four, all have taken college classes and all four of them dropped out. And it's not a difference of genetics - my step-father is pretty much the smartest man I know, and he actually taught himself computer programming and is in charge of all the computer systems at the company he works at (a multimillion dollar company with hundreds of employees, and easily worth over a hundred million), and a manager for one of their new locations. So my point in all this is to illustrate that the first seven years are the most important. Give him the attention he needs, both intimately and intellectually.
Troianii, thanks for the excellent post. I think you'll make a fine parent someday! I'll give a specific example of something which prompted this thread (which I should have originally). The other day my son was in his playpen. He was trying to crawl towards a specific toy, but was obstructed by a large, undoubtedly evil, stuffed animal. After a few tries he became frustrated and began crying. His momma's immediate reaction was to pick him up... or actually instruct me to do it . It's often things like this that upset our son. He gets upset because his desires are not met with minimal effort. I'm sure this is true of most infants. I often let him keep trying until he gets what he wants on his own, but if all else fails, I'll pick him up and comfort him. In short, I'm more afraid of diminishing his will and determination, than developing some sort of trust issue. My stance on this topic is based upon the idea that my son will come to learn that I love him fully, and will always be there for him, that I have no ill will and only want the best for him. Admittedly though, I do wonder to what extent interactions at this stage of his life (8 months) will affect his personality and perception. Ultimately, I think that by the time he's able to speak and conceptualize, any 'damage' which might have been done can be easily unraveled.
Raised and helped raised many babies and kids. Let the child cry, its good for its lungs and vocal cords[ although bad on your ears and nerves]. Long as you give the child attention now and then its ok to ignore his ' demands '.
Who could resist coddling their baby, this is so true! But coddling isn't the same thing as spoiling. Once a baby knows crying will get it what it wants it will cry instead of entertain itself which is also good for the baby to do. I have 3 great grandkids and one on the way, my granddaughter lets her toddler slap her in the face and laughs, well I slapped back and she no longer slaps me in the face. Bad habit to condone,hitting and biting is not good. Of course I didn't hurt the child, just let her know how it feels to be slapped. It worked. Grand parents don't like to watch kids now because the parent spoils them. I always had 4 to 6 grandkids 24/7 all summer and they were good kids.
