Ask a Transperson anything about what it means to be Transgender

Disclaimer: There is an ongoing POLITICAL AGENDA to demonize Transpeople and because of that I have chosen to use the Political Opinions & Beliefs forum in order to set the FACTS straight.

I was born Transgendered and my earliest memories are of wanting to be a girl instead of a boy. Since that was unacceptable in society at that time I was forced to conceal my female side behind my masculine appearance. Owing to changing circumstances I have now chosen to no longer live the lie that I am a cis-male. I am a transfeminine heterosexual. I have done some research and there is still a great deal more that I have yet to learn however the experience has been both intimidating and rewarding.

I decided to make this thread because it is appalling to see the amount of disinformation and hatred for transpeople like myself on this forum and in society in general. If I can shed a little light on the subject and help others to understand and accept then that will be good for both society and transpeople like myself.

I cannot and do not speak for ALL transpeople just as being an atheist does not mean that I speak for all Atheists either. Being Transgendered is different for each of us because we are on a SPECTRUM as opposed to being in a BINARY situation. Cisgender people are either MALE or FEMALE. They have no doubts about either their sex or their gender. Transpeople are somewhere BETWEEN those two OPPOSITE poles on the SPECTRUM.

Speaking for MYSELF I have BOTH male and female aspects to my brain. I can use my MASCULINE side to ANALYSE a problem and my FEMININE side to EMPATHIZE with someone who is dealing with the problem.

I SELF-IDENTIFY as female even though I know that I cannot ever fully “pass” as a woman in public. However that is a superficial measure of who I am. What I have discovered is that NOW that I self-identify as a woman I am ACCEPTED by other women. That means a great deal to me and I have discovered that there are many women who share the same type of transgender brain that I have. For them it is not a big deal because society accepts that women can WEAR male clothing and WORK in male dominated sectors of the workforce.

Society does NOT accept men wearing dresses, heels and makeup and considers that to be “abnormal”. This LACK of acceptance means that transpeople like myself wear panties and other female garments UNDER their male clothing.

Looking at the polling done by Gallup and other sources there are 1.4 million OPENLY transpeople in our society TODAY. If we EXTRAPOLATE the Gallup data that figure increases to about 6 million. The majority of them are similar to myself, transpeople who are CONCEALING their trans side in order to CONFORM to society.

We are NOT a THREAT to society. We are your friends, colleagues, buddies, significant others, parents, teachers, programmers, firefighters, doctors, lawyers, nurses, etc, etc, etc. We work hard, provide for our families and pay our taxes. We are good citizens and no different from anyone else EXCEPT that we are NOT ACCEPTED for who we are INSIDE. We are NOT allowed to EXPRESS our inner selves via our outward APPEARANCE.

When I started wearing my dresses in public the experience has been LIBERATING. I have been to the Mall and shopped for dresses and shoes as a woman. Yes, I have used the ladies room too. Even though I am 6’2” it was no big deal. No one gave me a second glance, not even the women who were there with their children. I presented myself as female, behaved as a female and was ACCEPTED as a female because I am female inside irrespective of my male physique.

So please, ask your questions. I will do my best to answer those that I can and if the questions are outside of my own experience and/or expertise I will provide links to the sources that I have found. My goal is to help you to understand that there is nothing about transpeople that is a “threat” to society. We already EXIST within society, we are already a part of society, we are simply trying to attain the SAME level of ACCEPTANCE as everyone else DESERVES to have in our society.

 

The first point I would like to make clear is that transpeople like myself are NEITHER "delusional" NOR "mentally ill".

The DSM-5 has STIPULATED that Gender Dysphoria is NOT a "mental illness".

Anyone who makes these BOGUS allegations is VIOLATING the PF Rules regarding Group and Personal Insults.

Please REFRAIN from doing so in future.

TYIA

 

-do you think its fair for transgender women to participate in women's competitive sports?

-do you believe that private enterprises should be forced to let transgender women use women's bathrooms and changing rooms?

-do you believe that people should be punished for refusing to use female pronouns when discussing a transgender woman?

-do you believe that gender is a social construct and has no scientific basis?

 

I'm glad you've been able to come to terms with your situation, and brave enough to explain it on this forum.

 

Thanks for sharing your story. As an outsider, it seems the changing tide for transgendered people will follow the same course as other non-mainstream identities. For instance, your post could have been written 30 years about being homosexual. During that time, homosexual people also had to hide their identities and make peace with having to stay in the closet to keep their jobs, families and reputation. That makes me hopeful that in 10, 15, 20, 30 years being accepted in whichever gender one identifies will not be a barrier to living authentically open.

I sincerely wish you the best.

 

There is NO scientific evidence that indicates that it would be unfair.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/trans-girls-belong-on-girls-sports-teams/

The use of the term "forced" is EMOTIVE and implies that there is some kind of COERCION involved. The extreme rightwing media is responsible for this NEFARIOUS misrepresentation of the FACTS for PARTISAN political purposes.

As far as private enterprises are concerned they RISK alienating the entire LBGTQ community by IMPOSING what are essentially ARBITRARY bans on the use of their bathrooms. It would NOT be a good business practice to YIELD to the hysteria of the extremist rightwing media regarding what is literally a storm in a teacup.

Another use of EMOTIVE terminology that does little to aid in UNDERSTANDING the issue.

Part of the LACK of ACCEPTANCE in society is the MARGINALIZATION and STIGMATIZING of those that are NONCONFORMING.

This CAUSES more problems than it resolves and the problems can literally be LIFE THREATENING.

To paraphrase Jefferson "it neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg" to use a preferred pronoun.

REFUSING to do so says VOLUMES about the person who is taking umbrage because there is no harm in addressing someone in the manner that they PRESENT themselves.

Society has USED gender to IMPOSE rigid STEREOTYPES that have NO scientific basis.

Our nation was FOUNDED on the principle that We the People would use Science and Reason as a means to form a more perfect union.

Science and Reason has established that some of us are BORN with a Gender that does NOT align with our Genitals.

It was DECADES ago that our Society EVOLVED to ACCEPT women wearing male clothing.

Recently our Society EVOLVED to ACCEPT gay marriage as NORMAL.

What is PREVENTING our society from EVOLVING to ACCEPT that NOT everyone is BORN as either BINARY male or female.

 

I have no questions - only admiration for your selfless decision to educate and enlighten us all. Thank you.

 

-I may be wrong, but it is my understanding that men are in general taller and stronger than women, in general. More muscle tone, etc. That's where the fear of unfair advantage comes from.

-in NYC there is now a law punishing landlords and others who refuse to identity a transgender female tenant as "her" or "she". Even simply insisting on just using the persons chosen name, can be seen as harassment and can bring stiff fines. I don't know if this is fair.

-as far as using bathrooms, most still say "men" or "women". Someone who is just slightly transitioned to being male might not be welcome in a women's bathroom or locker room.

-its hard to doubt that gender is part of the natural family. There are female and male bears, ants, birds, bees, sheep, dogs, cats. No scientist would deny this.

If a biological male "feels" female, does that mean that he is actually a female or his gender is fluid? Its an interesting debate. Both sides have a good argument to make.

One could argue that if a man has felt like he is a women trapped in a man's body since a young age, we should consider their biology AND psychology when deciding what their gender is. However, one could also argue that just because someone feels they want to be a woman, or a child, or a hamster, doesn't mean society needs to recognize this.

 

Can't transgender women only compete in most track nd field if they have low testosterone levels.

 

Not to sound trite, but have you ever met a divorced woman who has gone back to her maiden name as the one she prefers? If so, do you use the last name she wants to be called or keep calling her by her married name?

Look at how our society treats biracial people. They identify as two or more races but society insists they choose one - usually based on how they look versus what they say they identify as.

My point is simply that we aren't necessarily agreeing with transgenderism or interracial relationships (and their product of biracial child(ren), but being respectful toward a respectful request to be identified as one so wishes.

Please help me understand why that is so hard?

 

Nobody cares about people identifying as whatever they want anymore. The problem is common sense stuff like SPORTS and EDUCATION and brainwashing children with confusing gender myths. What's your views on little kids taking puberty blockers because maybe one day they felt like playing with a barbe doll so their parents went ALL IN and completely changed their identity. I'm not a fan of intolerance and think people have the right do identify as whatever they want, but there has to be some element of COMMON SENSE in the mix.

 

I dont agree with $100,000 fines for refusing to be respectful of someone's gender choice.

I dont agree with laws forcing private businesses to allow barely transitioned transgender females into ladies' rooms and changing rooms.

I dont agree with laws forcing teachers to teach kids that gender is merely a social construct, and has no biological or scientific basis.

 

OK. What does any of that have to do with my question? I asked why it's so difficult to call someone by the name/pronoun they want to be called?

 

if i choose to call someone "susan", rather than "her" or "she", do you think its fair to fine me?

 

Your understanding is correct and that fear stems from an absence of knowledge as to what the transition entails in the way of bodily transformation.

However there is another way to look at this that puts it into PERSPECTING in my opinion.

No one is OBJECTING to those transpeople who were born with FEMALE bodies and have transitioned to being MALE competing in any sports events.

The argument could be made that they are using "testosterone enhancement" to "improve" their performance.

Ultimately this will be resolved but there is virtually no scientific data of any significance to draw any conclusions at this point in time.

I am not aware of this regulation but knowing NYC I have little doubt that it is SELF INFLICTED.

New Yorkers have a well deserved reputation for being objectionable and landlords are part of the reason for that reputation.

Be interesting to learn a little more about it. Do you have a link?

As someone who is "just slightly transitioned" to being female I can speak from experience that there was nothing "unwelcome" as far as the bathroom experience goes. Just ask yourself if someone who is slightly effeminate come into the Mens bathroom and uses one of the stalls and then washes their hands and leaves would that be a reason for them to be unwelcome?

You are talking about sex, not gender. There are gay animals in the natural world so the odds are there are also transgender animals.

There is more to it than just feelings and the DSM-5 lays out a very specific set of testing criteria to make their determination. Speaking for myself it is not a "feeling" but instead KNOWING that inside I am female. I have a very strong MATERNAL instinct and do NOT have the same drive and ambition that other males have. That goes way beyond just a feeling.

As mentioned above the DSM-5 testing criteria is set up to make the psychological assessment and diagnosis. Additional medical testing for certain types of transgender presentations can also be done if the need arises.

 

I am not aware of any such requirement. Do have a link that discusses this?

 

My question is "why it's so difficult to call someone by the name/pronoun they want to be called?"

 

That sounds like it stems from the nefarious MISINFORMATION being spread by the extremist rightwing media.

Do you have any credible nonpartisan sources that support that allegation?

Little kids do NOT take puberty blockers. They are given to TEENAGERS as a means of buying time to ensure that the right decision is made.

The allegation about the parents also sounds like it comes from the hysteria generated by the extremist rightwing media disinformation campaign.

I agree with you regarding both intolerance and common sense.

When you do the RESEARCH you discover that what is ACTUALLY happening is a very common sense approach when it comes to DIAGNOSIS and TREATMENT.

The INTOLERANCE stems from people being disingenuously MISINFORMED as to what is REALLY happening.

 

It's a testosterone requirement that impacts some cis-women as well.

Olympic runner Semenya loses fight over testosterone rules
https://apnews.com/article/543c78d943144874a661f31e88c1f8e6

 

I guess "Ask a Transperson anything about what it means to be Transgender" sin't precisely true, is it?

 

Although we are poles apart on quite a number of issues, I cannot help but admire your candor and courage in 'coming out', Te.

And I can support you and other transgender people in all regards except those involving athletic sports, and that whole troublesome issue about bathrooms.

May I suggest that civilization simply enlarges sports to include extra venues with the appropriate athletes in competition, called "transgender male", and "transgender female"? Obviously, this would be experimental, but at least it would be a beginning.

Also, since we are a society that's going to be spending untold BILLIONS UPON BILLIONS on nearly everything else under the sun, maybe the time has come to add public bathrooms for transgendered people, and label them accordingly!

I'll close this by suggesting that nearly all of us do have both a 'male' and 'female' side, alternately feeling extremes of emotion -- or the lack of it -- about many things we encounter in life. Human beings span a very wide mental gulf, Te, ranging from saintly inspiration to criminal brutality -- and all within the confines of the same person....

 

Do you think transwomen should undergo breast cancer screening or transmen should have their prostates checked?

 

Then why do women insist on playing on teams of all men?

 

Thanks MJ, it is essentially just drug testing for ALL athletes.

I understand why it is happening but given the Scientific American article I linked to earlier it appears as though there can be other factors that are responsible for NATURALLY high levels of testosterone in women athletes such as PCOS.

I am going to go out on a limb here and predict that a lot more research is needed before this is cleared up in order to reach some kind of satisfactory result for all concerned. Women's bodies are complex and hormone levels fluctuate a lot.

 

On another thread I remember you referring to an "inner self."

What do you imagine that inner self to be? Is it a scientific concept?