But being binary has nothing to do with physicality. It is defined as your identity. So it isn't about making babies. Right. So what I wonder is why? For women to be excited by restraint and domination makes sense anthropologically...or maybe I should say biologically. Being raped still leads to reproduction so that is persists in the species makes sense. But what doesn't make sense is why a man would be excited by being dominated. That has never led to reproduction so why would it persist in the species? Clearly there are other factors involved.
My overriding point to the non-believers is that fetishes are clearly not a choice. So why would desire or feelings necessarily be a choice?
It's not a choice. I am such a person. The strange desires and fantasies started mildly before puberty, like tying Holly Hobby to a tree and flogging her with willow tree branches. That **** kicked into high gear during puberty. I'm 55 now, and still the person who enjoys sex a bit on the dark side. Not a choice.
I spent lot of time in relationships forums. It is amazing what people will tell you on the internet. But one lady I got to know quite well because I was fascinated with her lifestyle. I wanted to understand her marriage. She was also a fountain of information and helped me navigate the ocean of online sexual content. IRL she had a significant online presence in the world of cooking. Her husband was a highly respected doctor - a specialist that I won't identify for the sake of their privacy. And I won't explain how but she also helped me out with a couple of dates LOL! She was a 24/7 sub to her husband. She obeyed him like a slave and loved it. They even had a their own dungeon - a basement filled with expensive and exotic BDSM equipment. And she has done it all! She has lived an extreme BDSM lifestyle for many years. One time were were messaging back and forth when she suddenly said he had to go. She heard the shower stop. I later asked why she had to leave when she heard the shower stop. She said she had to go dry off her husband. The most memorable thing she ever told me was that you never want to join a big orgy.- the smell. EGAD!!!
~ Addiction is never a choice. We discover these things about ourselves often by accident. Obsessions, fetishism, etc. are similar. What an individual chooses to do with these personally traits is up to them .
I understand non binary is a gender identity or the absence there of, I just don't know what that means. It doesn't have to come from a reproductive purpose. I could understand a guy wanting to be submissive. Lots of things persist in the species even if it doesn't lead to reproduction. Homosexuality comes to mind.
Any variation from these typical numbers is referred to scientifically as an “aneuploidy.” If there is one additional X or Y, it is known as a “trisomy” (“tri” denoting the number 3). Genetic conditions that reflect a trisomy include: 47,XXY (Klinefelter syndrome) 47,XXX (Trisomy X) 47,XYY Trisomies are the most common X and Y aneuploid conditions. Less common are “tetrasomies,” which denote the presence of four sex chromosomes: 48,XXYY 48,XXXY 48,XXXX Still rarer are the “pentasomies,” indicating five sex chromosomes: 49,XXXXY 49,XXXXX Typically, 48- and 49-chromosome variations produce more pronounced symptoms than trisomies, although this is not always the case. https://genetic.org/variations/ Here ya go.
Precisely! That is one example of something that should not persist but does. So it must serve some biological purpose or it wouldn't last in the population. And it isn't just in humans. Homosexuality persists in many species. So it must have a function. That or it is a simple matter of the odds. And those odds have to be determined by something. But what, if not reproduction?
Our essential concepts of beauty are driven largely by reproductive success. What we see as beauty is generally an indicator of a successful breeder. When we say "She's hot!", what we really mean is, "She should be a good baby maker!". We just don't know it. Most of our primal drives come back to reproductive success as the driver, which can mean survival as well. Biologically, we live to breed.
A few years back, I was listening to a podcast about evolutionary advantages. I need to go find it again and see if there are any updates. Anthropologists were studying why homosexuality continues to thrive in numerous species, where there is seemingly no evolutionary advantage. I don’t remember much, so I’m not going to argue for what might be extreme paraphrasing at best. They thought it was related to an unattached family member being advantageous to the tribe, as a whole. I’m likely butchering it, so that’s all I’m going to muse on. I will try to find it, though.
One thought that comes to mind for me is that sexuality is a function of the "wiring" in the brain. With 100-trillion connections, we expect similar degrees of variation; at least small variations many billions of times. Perhaps sexuality is really a function of millions or billions of connections and how they are made. I started thinking this way as I learned about all of the strange fetishes people have that are sometimes completely non sexual. And I'm not arguing that this is true, but it seems logical given the disparate nature of fetishes. Then again, maybe females having a third toe longer than their second toe were slightly faster runners, or something along those lines. They ran faster so they were more likely to survive to reproduce. Maybe at the root cause level, all fetishes do make sense.
Fetishes expressed between a loving couple seems like healthy sex life. Love and acceptance as well as the fulfillment of desires seems to be a good thing
The human brain is as complex as the planet’s climate/weather dynamic. Trillions of synapses are firing at each other constantly in the brain. Every once in awhile, a few are going to misfire. That’s how mutations happen. Billions of times each day, most so utterly insignificant, they never show up as anything.
A non kinky friend of a man I was dating, had a fascination with the fetish my date and I shared. He admitted, privately, to being somewhat kinky himself. Every once in awhile, says he, his wife and he do it with the lights on. I can’t remember the last time I had sex in the dark. Ewwwwwww.
I have never heard that before. One theory I came across is that homosexuality persists because of a phenomenon called pleiotropy. Pleiotropy is when a single gene has multiple seemingly unrelated effects. There are known traits that are pleiotropic. Chicle cell anemia is one of these. It is a side effect of malaria resistant blood.
I don't believe in a such thing as a non kinky person. Just people that fulfill them and those that feel ashamed. I think there is a verity of kinks going from very vanilla to absolutely criminal. Mine are pretty common people might not even think they are kinks.
I agree. Everyone has a fetish or two. But not everyone will admit it. I see much younger women and have learned to ask if they have any fetishes they'd like to explore. Because I am so much older than them, we don't have a future. We are just having fun in the moment. So they tend to be less guarded than they would be with a potential future husband. They don't have to worry about being rejected or judged. As a result, I have been able to help these gorgeous young women explore their fantasies. One young lady literally jumped at the chance! Of course I wait until we know each other reasonably well and they feel comfortable. But when I finally asked her if she has any fetishes she'd like to explore, she all but jumped off the couch and said "YES! ROPES!!!" She had been dying to be tied down and ...had. At that point I contacted my friend, the woman I mentioned, who then directed me to some videos teaching the basics for ropes [so you don't accidentally hurt someone]. I learned a few bondage knots and practiced until I had it down. As I tied her up with seeming expertise, her eyes were blazing. So funny. On a related note, I went to the local hardware store to get some of the proper rope [nice and soft]. I asked the attendant where they kept the rope. He said it depends. What am I going to use it for? I was not ready for that question and about tripped over my tongue. Uh, um, well, I need to tie something up...
About 30%-40% of the young women I've met are bi or at least open to having a bi experience now and then, One of the young women I dated had been dying to be with another woman but never had the nerve to approach anyone. So I went out and found this gorgeous young lady who was thrilled at the idea of being with another woman her first time. So we had ourselves a double fantasy. The next day we all agreed that it was the one of the best nights of our lives - all of us. It was SUCH a blast. As you can imagine I was having the time of my life. Not my first threesome but certainly the best by far. Truly one of the most memorable experiences of my life. It was a night filled with magic. It was a perfect evening. Taking my gf to buy a strapon was an experience in its own right LOL! I had to explain to the attendant that it wasn't for me!!!! Heh.
My first GF post marriage wanted me to pour hot wax on her. It wasn't supposed to hurt. It is supposed to be soothing kind of like a massage. But it also has a sexual appeal for some reason. In fact it just made a big mess. I have read that about 80% of women like to be spanked. And about 75% of men have a foot fetish. I can state that all but 2 of about 20 women I've seen liked to be spanked. Some are surprised if I ask. They just assume all women like to be spanked. I saw one girl who wanted to be spanked really hard; harder than I was willing to go. This too I ran across in a discussion where a number of women were complaining that their boyfriends or husbands wouldn't spank them hard enough.
But what determines how the brain gets mapped in the first place? Perhaps it is largely random or has a significant random component. I don't know if we even know that answer. Just imagining here, perhaps sexuality has a million factors and about X% of the time you have variations that result in homosexual or bisexual desires.
And why are women so much more open to bisexuality than men? Many women can appreciate the beauty of other women much like a man appreciates a woman. But with men, not so much. Very few men see other men the way women see men. Women seem be far more inclined to bisexual behavior than are men. And lets's face it: For a man, seeing two women together is hot! Why? I guess it may simply be perceived biologically as twice the opportunity to mate.
