They're also poorly educated, lazy, know-it-all, and quick to jump to conclusions. That's the only non-secret-message explanation I can find for this radio news headline I heard announcing the death of someone who had been totally un-newsworthy. See the Other/Miscellaneous conspiracy forum.
In The News: "Golden Retriever Saves 11-Year-Old Boy From Cougar." Now that's a good dog! These women really need to find men their own age.
It must've been tough being a magician in the 15th century. "Is this your card?" [GASP!] "Burn him! Burn the witch!!"
It's got to be three incompetents in the media whose Daddies got them their jobs. It's more believable when you remember that similar high-placed but lazy and careless dopes vetted Sarah Palin before McCain announced her as his running mate.
I crammed for my final in German Philosophy, so all I remember is that Nietzsche's most famous work was called Also Spank Zorro's Sister. Nietzsche is pietzsche.
For sale: 1994 Ford Mustang. Only 11,000 miles! Overall excellent condition. Some screwdriver marks around speedometer casing.
I just got back from the bathroom and I intentionally left the toilet seat up. Because I can. Then I put it back down. Because I'm not stupid.
If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, onto a little seesaw and then jump through a hoop. They're trained for that.
On Monday Jimmy drove too fast and should have paid a fine. On Tuesday Jimmy parked upon a double yellow line. On Wednesday Jimmy drove through traffic lights while they were red. On Thursday Jimmy signalled left but then turned right instead. On Friday he drove up a street you only should drive down. On Satuday at 3 A.M., he blew his horn in town. On Sunday Jimmy washed his car and polished it with pride. Including the red lights on top and the stripes down either side.
My son called after he got to Texas last summer and said it was really HOT down there. "How hot is it?" I asked. "It's 105 in the shade." And I said "Jeez, that IS hot! Whatever you do, son, stay out of the shade!"
I worked my way through college and didn't have much time for study, so I had to cram for my final in Russian Music. I do remember that the composer Pete Jaigowsky was a big sports fan. He even wrote some music dedicated to the jockstrap. He called it "The Nutcracker Suit." And everybody should know that thrilling piece about a Super Bowl game he watched, which he called "18 to 12 in Overtime." There was also the sexually permissive Rimsky Of-course-I-cough. He composed something about a Lesbian called "Sarah Is Odd."
I had to cram for my final in Postmodern Drama. Even though I got an A in the course, all I can remember is that Schlemiel Bucket wrote Googoo Waits for Dodo and David Mumble-it wrote Granny Gargles, Granny's Gross.
Dad: So you see, son, sperm cells are actually made up of glucose. Son: So you're saying sperm has sugar in it? Dad: Technically, yes. Son: Then why doesn't it taste sweet? Dad: What? Son: What?
My cat texted to her friends: "Peoples is mean. They is given all this money to buy us the best cat food, but they steals most of it and spends it on themselfs. You can't trust them." Because foxes eat cats, she's afraid to watch Fox News. That's why she doesn't realize that she's a taker and not a maker. But she heard on MSNBC that the GOP believes that fatcats are the only truly needy, so she always votes Republican.
Thorbjorn Jagland, chairman of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, said today that President Obama "really ought to consider" returning his Nobel Peace Prize Medal immediately, including the "really nice" case it came in. Jagland, flanked by the other four members of the Committee, said they'd never before asked for the return of a Peace Prize, "even from a damnable war-criminal like Kissinger," but that the 10% drawdown in US troops in Afghanistan the President announced last week capped a period of "non-Peace-Prize-winner-type behavior" in 2011. "Guantanamo's still open. There's bombing Libya. There's blowing bin Laden away rather than putting him on trial. Now a few US troops go home, but the US will be occupying Afghanistan until 2014 and beyond. Don't even get me started on Yemen!" http://www.drudge.com/news/165601/satire-nobel-asks-obama-return-peace
The Nobel Prize Committee is the biggest joke on this forum. The quote is bogus, but the postmodern Nobel is so decadent that it's hard to satirize its New Age mindlessness.
The wife and I were spending the weekend at a buddy's lake cabin. On the first night I said, "I think there's a monster under my bed." "Grow up," she replied. "No, really," I continued. "It's hideous..." "Knock it off," she snapped. "I knew it was a mistake letting you have the top bunk."
Newspaper Headlines that made me scratch my head: Trees Can Break Wind The ABC's of Hepatitis Pretzels Are Knot Bread. Not A Single Person Is In A Relationship Scientist Find Methane In Uranus There's A Fine Line Between Hyphenated Words Being On The Dole Has Its Benefits Rule Of Grammar: Double Negatives Are A No-No
