Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.
It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.

When will the madness end?

 

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

 

A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What’ll you have?” The skeleton says, “Gimme a beer and a mop.”

 

Chemicals all have to have a material safety data sheet available from producers which includes hazards, safe handling procedures and emergency care. All labs at the University had to get them for the fire department and a list of any hazards in the lab in the event of a fire. While preparing this for a lab I came across an actual one for water. Did you know that's it's not flammable? The one for the fire extinguisher said it isn't either.

 

Prisons these days are like holiday camps.
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Full of 70s entertainers.

 

A guy walks into a dentist’s office and says, “I think I’m a moth.”

The dentist replies, “You shouldn’t be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist…”

The guys replies, “I am seeing a psychiatrist.”

The dentist says, “Well then what are you doing here?”

And the guy says, “Your light was on.”

 

Don't worry too much about the 4pm deadline to leave France
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The dingies are still running.

 

What’s a dingie?

 

A Dinghy

I stole the joke didn't notice the spelling

it's one of these

 

Ok, gotcha now.

 

Late one evening, Norm’s doorbell rang. When he answered the door, he found a six-foot-tall cockroach standing in front of him. The bug grabbed Norm by the collar, punched him in the eye, threw him across the living room and then ran off.
The next day, Norm went to see his doctor to have his bruised eye examined. “Ah, yes,” the doctor said when Norm explained what had happened to him. “There’s a nasty bug going around.”

 

A man at a restaurant orders Swedish meatballs. When the waiter brings him the meal, he asks if they are genuine. “Yes,” says the waiter. “If you look closely, you can see the little black dots in the meatballs. Those are the umlauts.”

 

A businessman flying first class is sitting next to a parrot. The plane takes off and the parrot orders a Glenlivet, neat. The businessman asks for a Coke. After a few minutes, the bird yells, “Where’s my scotch? Give me my scotch!” The flight attendant rushes over with their drinks.
Later, they order an other round. Again, the bird gives the crew grief for being slow and the businessman joins in, “Yeah, the service stinks!”
Just then, the flight attendant grabs the pair, opens the hatch and throws them out of the plane. As they hurtle towards the ground, the parrot says to the terrified man, “Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings.”

 

I go to confession every time I commit adultery.
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I'm not a Catholic, I just like to brag.

 

Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a centipede and a small box for it to live in. That evening, he decides to go out.
“Want to grab a drink?” he asks the centipede, but there’s no answer from the box.
A few minutes later, he asks again—still no reply. Finally, he hollers, “Hey! Do you want to get a drink?”
“I heard you the first time!” says a small, irritated voice. “I’m putting on my shoes!