This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?" But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost. "Actually" he said, "it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were they same size and shape, so I just swapped the heads.
The latest threat is the genetically engineered Foo Bird. If this bird “marks” you you must cover that excreta immediately because if it comes into contact with air it will produce a toxin that will immediately be absorbed through the skin and kill you. Hence the only action to take is……. “If the Foo shits wear it”
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (you must prepare yourself for this) A super calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.
For all the SF/ Fantasy geeks out there Arthur C Clarke, CS Lewis & JRR Tolkien walk into a bar... They argued about how characters should travel. Clarke says they should take a spaceship and Tolkien says they should walk. Lewis says that can just step through a wardrobe. When asked how that's possible Lewis said "Narnia business" I is a bad bad bowerbird
When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore. When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray. When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores. When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay. When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh? When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai. When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh? When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh? When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s! In New Zealand you see An aBOrigine, That's a Maori. When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That smore, eh. When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?
On a side but not funny note, I considered Ambassador Oakley a good friend, he was the ambassador here when I was in the Peace Corps and my project was his pet. We kept in touch for years. His assistant was hot and became the US ambassador to Pakistan in July 2001 (do the math). She had this red mini skirt that I remember to this day and don't get me started on her white bikini!!!! Pssst: Others can use this as a hint to the answer if they need one.
