What should this Woman Tell Her Son?

That is not what I found in my query, there is a presumption made if the child is not contested at time of the birth cert and is welcomed into the home by the father. In NY state the presumption can be legally refuted if the child is proven to not be biologically his, not sure if that is the case with other states.

 

In this case, the parents also have a biological child. In such a case it certainly does make sense to keep the family unit together.

Never mind that if your argument were taken at face value, then nobody would ever adopt a child.

 

If I ever want evidence that the human race has not advanced at all in its time on earth, this exchange will do it. By all means, let us let one prick entry overcomes years of marriage, let's let the welfare of some (*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*) who is only interested in himself overwhelm the welfare of a family and a child, let us assume that, if the guy still loves his wife, that is less important than his purity of bloodline and so on. It is, after all, all about him, his dick, where it's been, and if anyone else ever got there. May his bad karma eat him alive.

 

No it would be better off to divorce and end the family and share custody of the biological child. If an individual cheats then it would be better for the victim of the cheating to end the relationship. Staying would be worse for the kids than divorce, because the kids would grow up to think that cheating on your spouse is acceptable behavior.

Not if the mother is a skank. Staying in a relationship with an abusive or unfaithful partner is worse for the kids than divorce.

The OP is actually pretty whimpy. And he has no more obligation to this girl than I have to Donald Trump's kids. If he wants to be a 'nice guy' and be an 'uncle' to the kid and stay marginially involved in its life despite it's not his, than that's cool - but he should've manned up and terminated the relationship and not presented himself as the kid's father - a real man would have tossed the adulteress to the side - a whimpy man OTOH stays in a relationship with an unfaithful partner just because he doesn't have any self-esteem and is too afraid of being single than demanding self respect in his relationship. Such a man is a bad example for children.

She'll probably cheat again anyway - since she pretty much got off Scott free then what's to stop her? She only married him because she wants a source of income for herself and her kids - when she actually wants sex, she looks elsewhere for obvious reasons.

 

the man is not to blame here, despite your feminazi agenda. He did not make the choice to have an affair (from the info we got) it was all her. So, any failing of the marraige is not the man "only being interested in himself" it's a result of the female "only being interested in herself" Any blood of a fallen marriage is not on his hands, it's on her hands.

 

He's to blame for being a beta male and staying with the adulteress and raising another man's kid. She is to blame for cheating, but given how much of a beta male he apparently is it's not a big surprise that he was cheated on. If a woman knows her husband/partner is such a beta male that she can get away with cheating because he won't stand up for her, or even use him as a source of income for the kids she has with other men - then she's more likely to do it.

 

Beta males who are more convinced that it the source of the sperm takes precedence over the welfare of a child are the problem. Since we seem to be having this argument simultaneously with date rape, let's assume a drunk and fully repentant wife who was drunk and date raped. Hubby understands and loves his foolish wife and is willing to accept the result. Poor, ignorant fool. He can only manage to save a lost situation for at least three people, but he should really castrate himself to represent his loss of manhood and use current gun laws to kill wife, child and date rapist. That will heal every thing. How wise and appropriate. GET A LIFE.

 

Then go raise Shawnty-Lo's kids for him:

http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2013/01/15/oxygen-wont-air-all-my-babies-mamas-with-rapper-shawty-lo/

WTF are you talking about?

You should.

 

the only way I would buy they daterape story is if she was drugged with a roofie or was secretly spiking her drink when she had no intentions of getting drunk.

if she chose to get drunk, and have sex.... there is no "It was daterape" get out of responsibilty card. Just like if she chose to get drunk and got pulled over for DUI, she can't just say "I wouldn't have done this had alcohol not impaired my judgement and decision making. Sober me understands the dangers of drinking and driving, drunk me is not responsible for any bad decisions though"

this girl was not date-raped though. She had an affair. Alcohol may have been involved, but that does not = daterape. If a guy gets drunk and makes a bad decision, cheats on his spouse/significant other, and knocks a girl up, he's just a POS..... if a woman gets drunk, makes a bad decision, cheats on her spouse/significant other, and gets knocked up..... she's not a victim...... she's a POS, too.

 

Sorry but some "random child" is not anywhere near as important to me as my "actual" genetic offspring.

If "all" children are "mine", then none are. You can't just expect men to turn off their natural instincts in order to meet some collective social need.

 

Unlike many I don't assume the self-rigthtous position of the hypocrite. We all have problems in our relationships and we all make mistakes. What determines the character of the individuals involved is how they deal with those problems and how they address their own mistakes as well as the mistakes of those with whom they share a relationship.

I'm personally very proud about what I know of this couple. Both children are being raised by both parents although the father is only the biological parent of one. He's still the father of both children because he choose to be. I congratulate him for that and he should be proud of it. I also congratulate the wife for her role in working out the problems that she and her husband shared. Both, from what I've read, should be very proud of their decisions and actions in addressing the problems and mistakes they both made in their relationship.

For now their concern is how to address revealing the truth to their children because they love and care deeply about both children and the children have a right to know the turth. Because of the maturity and character they've shown in the past I'm sure they will deal with this matter correctly and that's all that matters.

 

i think the man has a great heart and much love in him, but his wife is a filthy whore. there is no reason to cheat on your husband, never. it is not forgivable what she did. but in our Society he would be at the low end if he had divorced her, he would have to pay for both Kids (or had a Long Lasting fight to prove the black kid is not his eventhough it is obvious). divorce law is a field where men are heavily discriminated. she would have taken his house, and a good deal of his Money. she would have been awarded anyways if divorced or not, and i consider her awarded now too. a loving father raises her bastard child (and i dont say bastard because it is black but because it is Born out of fornication)

 

But it's okay for a man to cheat on their wife?

Ironically the statistics show that 41% of all individuals admit to having had an affair and the numbers are split about equally.

Does anyone also see the hypocracy of our society where we have such a derogatory word as "whore" to describe a woman but no such word for a man. Of course a woman that has an affair is not a whore as that doesn't represent the definition of the word which is more commonly used related to prostitutes. Yes, it also relates to woman that is a "promiscuous or immoral woman" but nothing about a woman having an affair implies that they are either promiscuous or immoral.

Of course the "self-sanctimonious" are always willing to judge and condemn others that they really don't know anything about.

 

I never said it is ok for men to cheat on their wife.
No one thinks that.
And of course a women who cheats on her husband is immoral. that you Dispute that Shows me that you dont uphold morals yourself. And that morals is not one bit important to you.

 

Interesting considering our lexicon is fundamentally created by men and we have a word such as "whore" with such a negative connotation while the male counterpart is called a gigolo which generally carries a positive connotation. Forgive me for seeing hypocracy in our society simply because it's so apparent.

Morality, in it's best form, is subjective logical deduction by the individual and, at it's worst, is based upon thoughtlessly following what someone else said or wrote down in a book. My morality is based upon the former where I hold that any thought or action of an individual with the express intent to harm others is immoral.

Of course I've read no evidence that the woman had an affair with the intent of harming her husband. I cannot judge her because I have no evidence of ill-intent. I would follow the principle that she is innocent of intentional ill-intent as opposed to assuming guilt because the assumption of guilt harms the accused person.

In short, to assume immoral behavior without evidence of ill-intent is to be immoral.

 

I am not sure why the race of the child matters really. Certainly the child did not get to chose the race, and I can;t imagine actual adults really caring as to why that is a factor.

Personally, I am of the opinion that the husband is free to do as he chooses, and if he chooses to raise the child of his wife and her lover, that is his concern, and attacking the race of the child seems a bit silly.

 

It matters to those with racial prejudice.

 

No! People make snotty comments about children, innocent children who have done nothing, based on nothing more than the race of that child? Based on a trait that they inherited and have no way to control or change?

I can't believe that! Surely folks have the moral fortitude to realize how incredibly wrong such behavior is.

 

Kinda wondering why this thread is filed under "Women's Rights". Is adultery now a right of women?

 

it is when it's convenient.....

just like claiming it's daterape when she regrets her actions the next morning

"treat me the same, unless my cleavage can get me out of a speeding ticket" lol @ the hypocracy of womyn's rights movement.

 

While we would hope that people had the "moral fortitude to realize how incredibly wrong such behavior is" or that the number that have these attitudes would be declining over time the facts are that most do not based upon a recent study.

What is even more shocking is who has this racial prejudice.

http://seattletimes.com/html/politics/2019535280_apusappollracialattitudes.html

So, while the "implicit" racial prejudice was virtually the same between Republicans and Democrats, the explicit test established that almost 8 our of 10 Republicans reflected overt anti-black racism in the poll. Is it any wonder that African-Americans didn't vote for Romney when the vast majority of Republicans are racists? Democrats also have a problem with anti-black racial prejudice as well but it's not nearly as bad as Republicans and "whites" in general are racists based upon the results of the poll.

These are shocking statistics that reflect an "immoral" attitude that is held by a slim majority of Americans overall but by a lot of "white" Americans so apparently we don't have the "moral fortitude to realize how incredibly wrong such behavior is."

 

but noone will dare ask about blacks who are racist towards whites..... that's politically incorrect and doesn't serve a political agenda.

I get upset getting lumped in the racist group simply because I say "affirmative action is not about equality, it's about special privledges"

I'm arguing for true equality, not special groups with special privledges in order to "make up for past sins" not committed by myself, and not targeted at any black person living today.

 

African-Americans were included in the scientific poll conducted by the AP. The phone numbers to select the participants were selected at random.

Affirmative Action is a program that mitigates racial prejudice and discrimination TODAY and has nothing to do with the past. It is also statistically insignificant with only about 125,000 individuals receiving "favorable" treatment one time related to employment or education annually while tens of millions, including those that receive favorable treatment under Affirmative Action, are discriminated against on a daily basis. Statistically Affirmative Action has no adverse impact on anyone.

Everyone wants to end Affirmative Action even those that benefit from it. Affirmative Action was created to mitigate the effects of discrimination and the only way to pragmatically end the program is to eliminate the cause for it which is discrimination that needs to be mitigated. It's identical to welfare which mitigates the effects of poverty. Want to end welfare then end poverty. It's that simple.

Racial discrimination is happening today

 

There's going to be a natural degree of hypocrisy on the issue - just like if a man hits a woman it's perceived as horrible, but if a woman hits a man it's not perceived nearly as bad in comparison.

 

Why should they be proud of lying to a child?

Why should a man be proud of not having the backbone to end an exploitative relationship? The 'kids' are irrelevant, because if the husband wanted to stay involved with the kids he had the freedom to do so, but he should have doneso outside the context of a relationship, and not presented himself as the 'daddy' to the illegitimate child.

Not lying to the children to begin with would have been the better solution. This is why it was wrong for the man to stay in the relationship and portray himself as the child's daddy - how's the child going to feel once he realizes his "daddy" lied to him and isn't really his daddy?

The man is not admirable for staying in the relationship with an adulteress, and the motive was a lack of backbone as much as it was 'concern for the kids'. If he was concerned for the kids, he would have done the right thing and dissolved the relationship immediately.

As far as helping to raise the illegitimate child who's actual father is absent, there's nothing wrong with him (or anyone else) doing that - but he should have done it outside of the relationship and not presented himself as a 'daddy' to the kid. And he has no more obligation to do so than I have to raise Shawnty-Lo's kids for them, just because their daddy is absent.