at 30, where the hell are single women?

Well, my general recommendation for singles is church. Without a doubt it's the best place to meet a compatible woman (if you're religious). Your choices in life reduced your choices in women.

 

Yes, it definitely is.

 

Believe me I've been finding that out. I never thought something as seemingly stupid as a dating profile would be hard to write but one thing wrong and you're in the trash. Then again it's basically you vs the entire city at that rate. That's why I would not feel bad in the least with hiring a professional to write up my profile. No lying of course because that would defeat the point but I'm sure having it properly formatted with "buzz" words I don't know about would help a lot.

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Yeah which is why I'm not going to a church.

 

After reading this, the following is definitely correct.....

Sorry if this bursts your ego, but if you want honest feedback, I'm going to give it to you. You chumped yourself out big time from day one.

^In this scenario, you should have gone up and interrupted them and gotten her number before you left. Display some damn dominance. You're not being polite by leaving with your tail between your legs. You're rationalizing to yourself. In fact, if you really are the catch that you believe you are, then you are actually doing her a tremendous disservice by letting this amazing guy walk out of her life without giving her a way to get ahold of him.

Did you touch this girl at all during this interaction? Or did you just sit there and talk to her the whole time? It makes a difference. If you're interested in her, show it. Pick her up, spin her around, smack her on the ass. Tease her, flirt with her, try to kiss her. Have some fun! Don't just sit there like you're interviewing her for a job. Attraction is an emotional process. Not a logical one. If you spend the entire night just bull(*)(*)(*)(*)ting with her without stimulating her emotional brain, you're going to bore the (*)(*)(*)(*) out of her. She might be polite to you, but she's not going to be very attracted to you.

I cringed reading this. There is so much chumpy behavior here. You had 80% of her time and all you managed was a hug? You sat there longing for a kiss while she stared at her phone and some other guy had his arm around her. Do you understand how bad your social value was in this situation? There are so many things you could have done here that would have been better than what you did. You could have told her to put her phone away. You could have grabbed her by the hand and said, "Hey, come here," and led her away from the other guy. Or you could have just grabbed her by the side of the neck and kissed her right there. Anything would have been fine as long as you had taken charge of the moment. But you sat there reacting. That is TERRIBLE for attraction.

This is her giving you the "let's just be friends" speech. She might very well not even have a boyfriend. And the fact that you continued to text her all night after she told you that just made it that much worse. Because you only further solidified that you will sit there and listen to her talk about whatever even after she has made it clear that she's not romantically interested in you. She now sees you as her girlfriend.


Dude, you can fix all of this stuff. I've spent years working through similar things. But the first thing you have to be able to do is admit that you're not currently as much of a catch as you think you are. Because, while you might have a lot of superficial qualities working in your favor, your personality still needs a lot of work.

 

Yeah actually I touched her multiple times on the two days that I wasn't hammered but didn't get much of a response back. Also the guy with his are on the chair was in his 60s, wasn't all that worried. She was also staring at my phone while we were next to each other, but being that I'd gotten about no feedback from touching her earlier (pat on the back, feel her arm that had a cast on it) and she wasn't looking up it didn't feel right to try to kiss her. She reminds me a lot of my friends sister who was pretty much just there for the attention. Believe me I'm capable of picking up women, it's not like I haven't done it plenty of times before. The issue is that they are not around, and because of that there are no women to pick up on. I've also gotten more particular after being screwed over and I'm looking for more than just a night which makes it more difficult to find the right one, especially when options are at the bottom.

This entire thread was never about her. She was just an introduction to the question (since I thought it was funny for a girl to ask me "were do single women hang out"), it was just made to be about her by people who think I'm some sort of (*)(*)(*)(*)(*) who just stands in the corner and cries. I go out there, I try, and I may not always succeed but so is life. The point is that it's hard to try when there is no one around, and that is what I am trying to solve.

 

I'm not saying you don't try. I can see that you clearly do. Which is to be applauded because a lot of guys won't even do that. But I'm just saying that it doesn't sound like you're as successful as you think you are based on what you've given us here. Because you're not commanding her attention. You're still fishing for it. That's not going to get you very far. It's better to get blown out completely than to be ignored. Her relationship status was not your problem here. It was the way you interacted with her. I guarantee it.

 

When its done run it by some female friends...

After an abusive relationship with religious boy where religion was a big part of the problem my daughter used dating sites and eliminated any profiles that didn't state the person was non religious..she's very happy with her new bf...

If you'd like pm me your profile and I can ask my daughter give her first impression... she's about the age you'd be looking for, 26, professional, well educated, athletic runner/kick boxer, non smoker, non drinker...

 

I have and will continue to do so. They have good input but unfortunately a lot of the content is up to me. They are most interested in structure and flow, which is good but I feel like there may be other points I should make that I'm not.

Good to see she's gotten away from that. I think my ex girlfriend had "battered wife syndrome" and that pretty much screwed things up. She'd been engaged 3 times, had 2 kids with two different fathers, beautiful girl inside and out but she just couldn't outrun her past. I tried to get back into contact but she declined saying "(*)(*)(*)(*)ed up (*)(*)(*)(*) has happened since you left, stuff that would hurt you." I assume that doesn't mean she found a good guy to take care of her and the kid which is what I hoped for. I still hope her the best, she deserves better than she gives herself.

 

So just met up with her tonight, met her boyfriend, and yeah if she wasn't with him she'd totally be mine. That guy is going to have a good night tonight. He needs to stop ignoring her though. Like I said I know what I'm doing, I just need to meet more people, though maybe not if her boyfriend doesn't get into gear soon.

 

I didn't say anything about a non-religious person meeting religious singles. I said he "probably oughta GET religious". But let's really be honest - any port in a storm, eh?

 

getting religious just get sex is just wrong...maybe for some but not for me no matter how nice the port...

 

Pretty much. I'm sure feigning belief isn't exactly the path to heaven either. It's not like I can just suddenly choose to believe. I can lie to others and even to myself, but that doesn't mean it's true faith. Also I'm looking for a partner not just someone to screw. Starting a relationship based on a lie doesn't sound like it holds much potential.

 

I disagree. If a women is interested she will make time for a guy, this girl didn't do that at all. To me this was a girl with a BF who was bored and shopping around. Women are not cows to be herded, and real life isn't some episode of Mad Men. The OP needs to try online dating. He needs to use a shotgun approach. Send lots of messages and see who bites. Meeting a girl is a numbers game. You have to go after a lot to find one that is interested. Then once you find one interested you spend time with them to make sure they don't have some major issues or whatever. The OP would be good to try a free online dating site like Plenty of Fish.

 

Nope. She is introducing you to him because you are in the friend zone. She is showing him you are not a threat. Time to move on with this girl. You are only going to get heartbreak if you continue to pursue this.

 

Nothing wrong with getting religion AND sex as far as I can tell.

 

If so then she's doing a great job of acting like a girl who is interested but pulling back because she has a boyfriend. I've never had a friend who was so excited to see me that they practically jumped off their chair to hug me when they saw me. I've also never had a friend, when I told them in a hug "if you didnt have a boyfriend you'd be mine right now" responded with "I know," not that its a common occurrence.

Who know though, she has been sending mixed signals the whole time, but I still think it's likely because she is interested but has a boyfriend so is holding back.

Anyway point is finding other girls. Im currently on OK cupid though no luck there. Ive been thinking about going to POF but I need a better user ID (same one I use here) and a day to really take time filling it out. Every now and then I update the OK Cupid with a burb and spend a few days widdling it down. Havent done that in a while so I think thats part of the issue (the first section is practically a life story, needs to be massively shrunk). I also want to get some better pics with my friends in them. Should pribably make a girl account and check out other guys pages too just to see what they look like.

Edit: you a definitely right about it being a numbers game. Like I said earlier Uve found all of 2 girls in the last 6 months I had an in. I really want to get that number up, especially with summer coming. Going outdoors is much more interesting with a girl than by yourself.

 

Its not uncommon for some women to string along guys just to get extra attention from their boyfriends.
You can usually catch some rebound sex out of it if they break up but long term will not and should not happen. That girl is trouble.

If your using eharmony a written profile shouldn't be hard to do. You surely don't need a professional to write it. Take some advice from Unifier and OWN this frickin profile Its yours, be a man and step up to the challenge.
Just be entirely honest when filling out the personality profile, then throw in a little extra schmooze on the profile others will see. Not lies just spice. On eharmony you can add, delete or change your profile anytime you want. Be yourself but stand out.
I never contacted any women on eharmony. I had my hands full just dealing with the ones that contacted me.

 

Ill give eharmony a shot and yeah, I couldnt see long term things happening with this girl, its just annoying having random people who dont know me assume Im incapable of pulling a girl because of a the mention of a girl who was juat there for introduction anyway. She cute and fun and all but I can't see things going well for long, assuming things were to start going.

 

I wish eharmony and the wisdom to use it was present when I was your age. Better late than never but damn what a bumpy ride it was getting here.
Ive never tried match.com but know a few women who have. Id stick with eharms 29 points of compatible dysfunction. They make it a point to find people with matching dysfunctions. Thatll help with that hangover your having

 

Sounds good. Be nice to start meeting some decent women worth getting excited about rather than ones who dont tell you they have a boyfriend before giving you their number (to be fair she thought I knew because she thought I was a regular at the bar. Im not, just regular enough that the regulars know me).

Thanks all for the help!

 

The only thing you're going to find on Plenty of Fish is fat girls and lonely single moms.

 

Thats for damn sure! Its hard to find girls that are just average. They are all either attractive to the point every messages them or 300lbs+

 

Holy hell they want a ton of money just to see pics! I'm not an ass or anything but there needs to be a physical attraction as well as a mental attraction, and if I can't see a pic I'm assuming another 300lbs+ woman. I'm not looking for a super model or anything but yeah.

 

it is if your using religion to get sex...

 

i suspect girls say the same about most of the men on that web site...my daughter found her bf on that same site....