Dealing with anti-trans bullying

Apologies for the typos. I'm having to do this on my phone while on vacation. On the bright side, Paris is lovely. On the darker side, I had a terrible phone conversation with my sister.

My niece came out as trans not too long ago. My sister and my brother-in-law are very supportive. To my surprise, my parents have been just as supportive.

My niece (I'll call them Page) has already lost all contact with their grandparents on their father's side, aside from the missionaries the grandparents keep sending over. This hurts Page, of course, but didn't come as a shock. With Page being homeschooled and pretty much never leaving the house without being accompanied by a parent or grandparent, we weren't too worried about bullying.

Well, last time they went to Waffle House with their PawPaw, they got up to go to the restroom. When they didn't come back for a while, PawPaw went to go check and found Page crying, frozen in place while a large man was giving them an earful about making sure they "Used the right restroom." Keep in mind that there are two restrooms, each SINGLE OCCUPANCY, and that it isn't uncommon for patrons to use either one if the other is occupied.

On top of this, Page's little brother and sister have been bullied at school over Page's gender identity. I went to the same school as a kid and was bullied at times for being a "girlie boy," but I had hoped things had changed.

My sister is worried about her job at the school as people now show up to school board meetings to complain about the "groomer." Keep in mind there have been many threats of violence at these meetings over everything from vaccine requirements to book bans.

Even my brother-in-law, a fire chief, is having to deal with insubordination at his fire station and constant harassment. Luckily, he's built like a truck, even more so than most fireman, and can usually put those conversations to rest.

My niece was eventually able to use the restroom at Waffle House after the staff talked my dad out of trying to beat the **** out of someone twice his size while still on a catheter. The staff then made it clear to the bully that he was to finish his food and shut the **** up if he wanted to come back again.

Anyway, mostly venting because there's nothing I can do but vent and I can't stand to hear my sister cry and not be able to do anything about it. We've always had each other's backs.

My wife and I had a California road trip planned with Page in August, and we're planning on adding some pride destinations to the trip so they can see a brighter future for themselves.

 

You are despicable!

MAGAs don't understand that this is a REAL problem. Despite reactionaries, I think overall society is heading in the right direction on this topic. Fortunately Trump's voter base is above 60 (full disclosure: I'm over 60 myself). So intolerance won't last forever. Younger generations seem to be more tolerant now than my generation ever was. And I don't think this will devolve in the wrong direction. So tell them to hang in there! It will get way better for them as time marches on.

 

It's possible the man had a real female daughter in the bathroom. I thought that most trans are so convincing you couldn't even tell?

 

No. It isn't. Both bathrooms were unoccupied. And, again, these were single occupancy. I covered this already. Single occupancy means that there is only room for one person. And, no, he didn't have a kid with him.

 

I’m not trying to be mean or anything, just honestly curious because your post made me think about it when I hadn’t really done so before:

How do trans and those wanting to oblige them of their vernacular reconcile that they don’t want to use “he/she” because it misgenders, but will, apparently, use “niece” which has to misgender as well by definition since it indicates “they” are(is?) actually a “she”.

Are we not getting around to changing all the other words we use that identify “he/she” and thus misgenders? Is that what we have to look forward to when sister/mother/brother/father/aunt/nephew/niece/uncle/grandfather/grandmother etc etc etc all have their own special trans words?

 

That's a fantastic question, and one I had when Page came out. So I asked just as you did, and they said they preferred "niece" since there wasn't really a gender-neutral option. Didn't come off as mean. Came off as an honestly curious question.

 

I'm sorry that your family has to deal with this.

This is part of what Trump has unleashed in America, the license to let bigots bully others. This is in my opinion the biggest difference between the left and the right, as the right does NOTHING to make our lives better. They are all about hate, vengeance, and retribution. They want to tear down society, not make it better.

 

Yeah, my feeling is it’ll come down the pike. As with all these social issues, everything seems to be a stepping stone to something more which wouldn’t be popular if you bundled it all up together and tried to sell it so they do it little by little.

in any case, won’t say more than that, so thanks for sharing and I’m sorry your family is having a rough time with it all.

 

Guess I'll be "that guy". I'm not trying to be rude, but it will no doubt come off as such.

There's some inconsistencies in your narrative. First off is Page is homeschooled, yet Pages siblings are not? Additionally, Page's mother is a teacher at a public school? If someone is so willing and wanting to teach at a public school then they're going to have their children in the same school. Partly to keep an eye on them, and also, mainly, because they have more than enough confidence in the school system. Those that homeschool do not trust public schools, and certainly would not be working in them as a teacher. Unless you're talking about multiple sisters? Doesn't seem like it though.

Second no one is going to stand there and lecture kids in front of single occupancy bathrooms about using the "correct" bathroom when everyone uses either or, meaning they don't have a designation.

So, either your story is made up, or you are not telling the full story.

Sorry but I'm an analyzer and when I see inconsistencies I gotta resolve them.

 

This transmania will fade in time and be recognized as the hoax it is Gender affirming care is already deprecated in many countries that embraced it.

 

Yeah. That didn't make the slightest sense to me either.

 

Single stall.

 

To me that meant it was their appearance that triggered the TWONK

 

Then it would make more sense for the "twonk" (whatever that is) to be yelling about their appearance, not which bathroom they should be using in a restaurant that has no designated male/female bathrooms.

 

I'm still curious how an employee of the public school system homeschools their kid.

 

seems like the youth in question is female who wants to be male? I don't know why MAGA had to be interjected here by some of the Trump haters

lots of blacks are unaccepting of trans types and most of them are hardly MAGA supporters

 

It's the intellectually slovenly thing to do. Blame everything wrong in the world today on the bad orange man.

There was no racism bigotry or discrimination in the world until that damn orange man came along

 

He causes obesity, flat tires, internet interruptions, pantyhose runs and bad tasting fast food meals

 

Sorry the only family members who are actually trying to help her are paternal grandparents though sending missionaries is the wrong tack at this point. The rest of them are just converting her into a self absorbed narcissistic little twit who expects the rest of the world to kowtow to her every whim. She isn't being bullied she is being avoided by people who aren't willing to put up with the basic dishonesty of insisting you are something you are not and demanding special treatment for doing so.

 

I'll cover the rest later sinxe I'm off to breakfast soon. You should check all of your stereotypes about homeschooling and teachers. There are a lot of reasons people homeschool, and whoever told you that teachers have unwavering faith in their public schools has never met a teacher. Page is homeschooled because she is dyslexic and our public school is not equipped to deal with that. They tried for years, but it wasn't working out. My sister briefly homeschooled all three kids for personal reasons, but two of them wanted to go back for mostly social and extracurricular activity reasons. The middle sister wanted to join cheer, for example. And I didn't say my sister was a teacher. I said she worked at the school. There are not a lot of job opportunities in the area, especially for someone who has no degree and took significant time off work to raise her kids. She's a teaching assistant for special education (I know they don't call it that anymore, but forget the new lingo).

So, yes, you are being that guy by fallaciously assuming that parents will automatically homeschool all of their kids or none, that homeschoolers always all have the same reason for homeschooling, and that public school teachers have unwavering faith in their schools. I'll be sure to share that last one with my teacher friends, though. I'm sure they need the laugh. I'll cover the rest later.

 

Nevermind, just read the rest and it takes even less time to cover. Yes, anti-trans conservatives will do just that. We have videos of similar activity, including one cis woman who was harassed about supposedly being trans inside the bathroom, just because she had really short hair. And, yes, the bathrooms have designations. You are honestly telling me you've never seen or heard of anyone using the opposite single-occupancy bathroom when theirs is occupied? That's very odd. Parents, in particular, do this often with their children if it is an emergency. More than once I have come out of the men's restroom and had a woman go in next when there was a line for the womens'.

 

In my opinion, it's a terrible decision, but shunning is not the answer.

Just because your niece is making a bad decision that could likely ruin her life with horrendous consequences, which the grandparents do not approve of, is not a logical reason for the grandparents to break contact with her or push her away.
I believe they can still clearly communicate their disproval (which they already have), while continuing to love her and maintaining a relationship.
In the case of a trans, the disapproval should be all about concern and love for the person making that decision. Any other motivations for disapproval are selfish, illogical, and emotional.

 

That would probably depend on how your niece is dressing and what sorts of things she might be saying about transgender things to the children.
If a man is dressing in even more feminine, garish and revealing clothes than most of the female teachers, then obviously there could be an issue.

If it were just a man dressing in gender-neutral clothing, or even slightly female-looking clothing that was conservative and wasn't too over-the-top, then I don't think there would be too much of a problem, when it comes to the wardrobe department.

 

My niece doesn't go to the school, so why does that matter? And my sister doesn't talk about trans issues to the special education kids.

 

Then I don't understand why your sister would be concerned about her job, or how that relates to your niece.
Why would people be complaining at board meetings? You didn't explain that too well.